Devina & Emma

Finally- sorry, time got away from me!

Devina was a 17 year old unwed mom. She had come from a family where dysfunction was an understatement for the state of being. Devina became pregnant when she was dating a 23 year old. Her parents abandoned her and she was sent by the department of child and family services to a home for unwed, pregnant teens. This is where I met her. Devina had a sincere desire to change the negative patterns in her family. She had plans to attend college, and earn a degree in sociology. She intended to make changes in her world. This girl was focused and determined to live her life better than before.

I had begun working with her as a nurse in this maternity hospital setting. I really connected with her. Devina was determined to give birth in a natural and non-traumatic way. But- remember, she was seventeen years old. I was able to speak with her about her goals and what she needed from her support person- me. She had never had a nurturing mother and was determined to be one, someday. I believe strongly that one leads by example. So the nurturing I was doing was making a psychological imprint on her.

On a Sunday night at 1 am, she began feeling her first contractions. She informed the overnight counselor that she was feeling contractions, but wanted to be alone and went to her room, but kept the door open. I arrived for my shift at 6:30 am, to find Devina in early labor at 3cm dilation. I remained with her and walked with her until 8:30 am, when her water broke to go the the hospital wing- the birthing center. I helped her check in and her back pain was increasing. We began to sway. She was now at 5cm dilation. Devina was asked if she wanted any pain relief but she looked determined when she refused. She touched my heart and told me that this was nothing compared to some of the pain she experienced growing up. I told her that I was proud of her, but that if she felt like she was "loosing it" she should not panic. I know that she was scared. 1:00pm- At 6.5 cm dilation, she began to withdraw. She was receptive to encouragement, she allowed me to rub her back, to massage her neck and to coach her breathing and position. But she stopped verbal communication. The active labor period took two hours. It was now she began to whimper and to cry. Transition to 10 cm was 20 minutes. Devina was determined to get through it, but in reality- she was still a child herself. But as we know even seasoned birthing mothers respond this way at the end of the first stage.

At 3:00, she felt the urge to push. Sheer panic hit her- the reality of pushing was scary to her. When she pushed ( involuntarily) she felt the pressure and began to fear the pain. I looked at her and said "Devina, you can do this. You are a strong young woman. You are capable. This, is the moment you waited for. Push, Devina- I believe in you. Push!" She took it one push at a time. She was squatting and had a bar to lean against. She delivered a beautiful baby girl she called Emma. She held her for a while and then gave her to me for a hold. She delivered the placenta half an hour later and when she had spent another hour with the baby- she did the most amazing thing I have ever seen a mother do. It has not occurred since. Devina spoke all her secrets to her daughter. She told her that she is loved, and that is exactly why she has made this decision. She handed the baby to the pediatric nurse and said goodbye. She put Emma up for adoption. The Adoptive Parents were notified and were waiting to receive their new baby.

Devina cried, so did I - she looked at me and said: " I'm not a bad mother, I just can't give Emma what she needs and I need to be a better me- before I parent. " I told her that Emma was the luckiest little girl in the whole world. And that Devina was going to be an amazing woman. Her post partum recovery period was fine, at that time she was given a shot to stop the milk production and she turned 18 the following month. She got a job, and took the High school Equivalence exam. Then I lost touch with her. She was off to live another life, in another state.

It was quite a powerful experience to have been privileged to be a part of. Emma should be about 15 years old now.

* names have been changed to protect privacy.