The Birth Story I Will Never Remember

My own. I have birthday soon, and I will never remember the day. The day I came into the world. Screaming, pink and ready for this life that I'm living. I approach my Birth Day as an opportunity.

I like to go to the holiest place on earth and thank G-d for my existence. I pray for goodness and understanding to fill my life in the year ahead. I ask that my family be considered with love and favor. I ask that G-d should remember all women pregnant, birthing, pubescent, menopausal and for those around them. I pray and pray- and that is my way of showing that I am just one cell of an organism. I am only one person who does this work.

There are many women in the world who choose to work as childbirth advocates. Each woman has her own unique approach and her own touch to comfort, educate, guide and her own learning approach to pregnancy, birth and women's health. Each had her own Birth Day.

Taking stock of who I am, who I've chosen to be, the path I am on for the many tomorrows (please G-d), it leads me to my peace. That's the point.

Introspection, knowing yourself, understanding your past successes and mistakes- it all leads you to inner peace. And when preparing for birth, inner peace is your guide, your strength and your power.

So as I say to many, women- own it. Own your life. With gratitude, I own mine.

Time Running out?

How will your birth turn out?

Of course there is no way of knowing for sure. One of the exciting, and scary, things about having a baby is that so much of it is a surprise! Your choice of caregiver though will affect the choices available to you and may affect the sort of birth experience that you have.

There are two types of care - we will call one routine, and one personalized.

Routine: Routine care is the most common form of care in most Western countries. It is called "Active Management" by the medical profession. Routine care involves having routine procedures and protocols that are applied to all pregnant women. For example, an obstetrician may give all pregnant women iron tablets, regardless of whether they have iron-deficiency anemia or not. The reason for this is that the caregiver is taking a "just in case" approach. This can seem very reassuring. However, it also means that the unique and individual needs of you and your baby are not being taken into account. It also means that you will be exposed to a number of interventions that are not medically necessary but are routine.

Personalized: Personalized care is more commonly provided by midwives although many obstetricians do take this approach as well. It is called "Expectant Management" by the medical community. In this approach nothing is routine, with protocols and hospital policies being less significant. Rather than treating all pregnant women the same, each woman is looked at individually. If she is showing signs of iron deficiency anemia for example, the caregiver might prescribe iron tablets. The interesting thing is that the research shows that mothers and babies are just as healthy with this approach as they are with routine care. The benefit is that you and your baby are being treated as unique individuals with unique needs, you will be exposed to less interventions, and have more choices available to you.

How can you tell if your caregiver is routine or personalized?

It can be really difficult to know which type of caregiver you have at the moment, especially if this is your first baby. If you have a routine caregiver there are a few clear signs though which include:

• Your prenatal appointments are generally short, often no more than 5 minutes

• Your caregiver always checks the baby using ultrasound rather than his/her hands on your belly and a tape measure

• You may have been having vaginal examinations throughout pregnancy and will probably be having them every appointment from 38 weeks

• Your caregiver may be reluctant to talk about a birth plan or tells you not to worry about anything and let them take care of it all

It can be helpful to have a few simple questions to ask your caregiver to get a clear idea on where they stand and then to be able to identify whether or not you have similar beliefs. The B'LIEFS tool can be helpful for this:

B - Bed (how do you feel about me being in positions off the bed for labor?)

L - how Long? (what sort of time limits do you have for first stage or pushing?)

I - Induction (under what circumstances would you induce labor?)

E - Episiotomy (how often do you find it is necessary to do an episiotomy?)

F - Food (how do you feel about me eating and drinking during labor?)

S - Supporters (what are your thoughts on me having a doula or additional supporter)

Even if you decide that you are comfortable with having routine care, asking these questions helps you to identify what is important to you and whether you and your caregiver are on the same page. Your doula or childbirth educator can help you to practice these and similar questions and how to explore your options if you decide you would like a different approach from the one you currently have.

This article is reprinted with permission from Childbirth International

Another type of birth story.

This is another type of birth story. It is graphic, due to nudity and childbirth photography/

Beautiful.

http://www.onetruem edia.com/ otm_site/ view_shared? p=3c5b874ed95f8e a9bf9466&skin_id=1009&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_ url

enjoy.

Birth and Choices

This all stems from a discussion group I am a part of, where we were debating the purpose, role and goals we should have as Doula's. I stand by my right to attend any woman who feels that my help will cause her less stress, more peace, less fear and more joy. Natural, or medicated, or c-section. I am not a judge, I am a comfort.

A piece of my mind... Why is only one way right? How can I say you shouldn't do what's right for you? But - You need to know what you want to choose. You need to care before you walk into the hospital.

What is it with women and pain? Why are we martyrs? I think women are martyrs when they stop trusting in the power of their own bodies wisdom and trusting the power of drugs. Yes that's right. I said it.

I support women through labor. I've seen them walk into hospitals and literally give themselves over to the medicine. They are doing fine- great!- and as soon as they see the hospital staff- bam! "I want an epidural- now!" Is it appropriate, is it necessary? Or is fear the great motivator?

Of course, the staff administers it to them. It is their responsibility to do so. If the patient asks for pain relief, you don't withhold it. Pain is whatever the patient says it is. Everyone has their threshold. And, they will be sued(rightly!) if they refuse to give it for any reason other than it is medically unsound.

But, I think women are sacrificing themselves. To medicine. When a woman is in labor and does so without medical intervention, natural endorphins are released and cause the woman greater satisfaction with the birth. Simple as that.

This is not a philosophical view, it's plain old evidence.

So there, I am a radical practitioner in saying that though many women think their birth experiences are good with epidurals(and they are!), they are fantastic without them.

I stand by women, and when I hear Doula's espousing only one way is the right way- well, I think it's wrong. I love my profession, my work- but there has to be a time where the sisterhood of our jobs has a boundary. This is it. I will not be accused of carelessness because I feel every woman has a right to choices and my standing by them through their labor.

Where is my line? I won't attend to women in elective abortions. I attend women who have elective c-sections, vbac's, epidurals, leboyer, home births. A woman giving birth, is still in need of support.

But if pushed, non-medicated births, gently and naturally- those are the best. I love those. But all are beautiful. A new family is a beautiful thing.

Oy, I really have gone off the story telling path. Okay, next time- a story.

Okay, Okay- but I really had to share this one!

Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.- Barbara Katz Rothman

Might I add, that fathers are made too! ... But how true is this?!

Devina & Emma

Finally- sorry, time got away from me!

Devina was a 17 year old unwed mom. She had come from a family where dysfunction was an understatement for the state of being. Devina became pregnant when she was dating a 23 year old. Her parents abandoned her and she was sent by the department of child and family services to a home for unwed, pregnant teens. This is where I met her. Devina had a sincere desire to change the negative patterns in her family. She had plans to attend college, and earn a degree in sociology. She intended to make changes in her world. This girl was focused and determined to live her life better than before.

I had begun working with her as a nurse in this maternity hospital setting. I really connected with her. Devina was determined to give birth in a natural and non-traumatic way. But- remember, she was seventeen years old. I was able to speak with her about her goals and what she needed from her support person- me. She had never had a nurturing mother and was determined to be one, someday. I believe strongly that one leads by example. So the nurturing I was doing was making a psychological imprint on her.

On a Sunday night at 1 am, she began feeling her first contractions. She informed the overnight counselor that she was feeling contractions, but wanted to be alone and went to her room, but kept the door open. I arrived for my shift at 6:30 am, to find Devina in early labor at 3cm dilation. I remained with her and walked with her until 8:30 am, when her water broke to go the the hospital wing- the birthing center. I helped her check in and her back pain was increasing. We began to sway. She was now at 5cm dilation. Devina was asked if she wanted any pain relief but she looked determined when she refused. She touched my heart and told me that this was nothing compared to some of the pain she experienced growing up. I told her that I was proud of her, but that if she felt like she was "loosing it" she should not panic. I know that she was scared. 1:00pm- At 6.5 cm dilation, she began to withdraw. She was receptive to encouragement, she allowed me to rub her back, to massage her neck and to coach her breathing and position. But she stopped verbal communication. The active labor period took two hours. It was now she began to whimper and to cry. Transition to 10 cm was 20 minutes. Devina was determined to get through it, but in reality- she was still a child herself. But as we know even seasoned birthing mothers respond this way at the end of the first stage.

At 3:00, she felt the urge to push. Sheer panic hit her- the reality of pushing was scary to her. When she pushed ( involuntarily) she felt the pressure and began to fear the pain. I looked at her and said "Devina, you can do this. You are a strong young woman. You are capable. This, is the moment you waited for. Push, Devina- I believe in you. Push!" She took it one push at a time. She was squatting and had a bar to lean against. She delivered a beautiful baby girl she called Emma. She held her for a while and then gave her to me for a hold. She delivered the placenta half an hour later and when she had spent another hour with the baby- she did the most amazing thing I have ever seen a mother do. It has not occurred since. Devina spoke all her secrets to her daughter. She told her that she is loved, and that is exactly why she has made this decision. She handed the baby to the pediatric nurse and said goodbye. She put Emma up for adoption. The Adoptive Parents were notified and were waiting to receive their new baby.

Devina cried, so did I - she looked at me and said: " I'm not a bad mother, I just can't give Emma what she needs and I need to be a better me- before I parent. " I told her that Emma was the luckiest little girl in the whole world. And that Devina was going to be an amazing woman. Her post partum recovery period was fine, at that time she was given a shot to stop the milk production and she turned 18 the following month. She got a job, and took the High school Equivalence exam. Then I lost touch with her. She was off to live another life, in another state.

It was quite a powerful experience to have been privileged to be a part of. Emma should be about 15 years old now.

* names have been changed to protect privacy.

First Impressions

The outcome of the birth of Baby E:

So after that glorious day, my eyes had opened.

What just happened? I was a perfectly healthy woman, no health problems... but I was hooked up to an IV.

Okay... then, my bag of waters were broken, and offered pain medications several times- despite the refusal.

Why did they feel it was necessary to break the bag of waters?

Then, the internal fetal heart monitor, now that had to hurt the baby! What was that for?

I had the most awful time sitting, standing, walking because of those stitches. Why did I need to be cut? It was a small baby, wasn't he? Was it going to be a problem for me in the future? Is my body every going to be the same again?

After my research- I found out that:
1. IV's were routinely unnecessary for a normal birth, I could have drank water -or juice, to hydrate.

2. They give pain medications: narcotics to women in labor. Epidurals were used as well, but first they offered narcotics. (Which have been proven to be a problem after birth for baby's breathing and sucking reflex. The list goes on...)

3. The Doctor wanted to go home, it was Saturday after all and breaking the bag of waters were going to speed up labor.

4. The baby did not like the first contraction after the water broke so they rushed to do the most invasive thing. To protect the baby - or themselves?

5. The episiotomy was done because I was told to push on my back. The baby was low and the pelvis was high. Not a great combination to reduce trauma to my body. But it was a great position for the Doctor to be in control! No fuss, no muss. So, he had to cut me.

It was then and there, that I decided that I was going to do something about this! The things that were so disturbing to me, were events that could have been avoided, were largely unnecessary and simply were most convenient for the Dr. I got the picture.

Now I was ready to become part of the solution- not the problem.

The first step, Nursing school. Second step, Labor & Delivery. (What are they doing?!) Third Step, Alternative medicine.

Now, I solve problems. Finally. Next story will be my first professional birth: Davina's Daughter.

My very First Birth Story- Baby E

Baby E was my first real experience with birth. At 11pm on a Friday night, the pains began. They were down deep in my back and into my groin. I danced! Dancing is moving- isn’t it? I was overdue by 10 days. I was anxious and just plain old done with this pregnancy. I knew I needed to have a woman by my side. Not just any woman- my mother. I was up moving around for a few hours and then, well- I decided that I had better get some sleep, because Goodness knows how long this was going to be. I come from a line of women who blessedly give birth “quickly”. But I knew that there are no rules that are firm when dealing with birth. I let my husband sleep. I woke up at about 6:30 am with regular contractions lasting about a minute every 10 minutes or so. I woke up my husband and we tried calling my mother, but there was no answer (can I just say, that never happens!). Sent my husband to the shower and I waited, the contractions were every 5 minutes and lasting one minute. Finally, now we were in business!

So we went to the hospital- at about 8am- on Saturday morning. The December air was cool and crisp, Los Angeles was sleeping. I walked into L&D and was checked (water hadn’t broken), changed, and promptly hooked up to an IV. Then, I was told, that I could walk the floor as it was a weekend, and quiet. Okay, I had work to do and I was going to get this done. My mother was still not answering her phone. I really needed my mom. I walked the halls up and down, back and forth, round and round.

I was told that unfortunately, the hospital did not employ midwives on weekends, so I had a Doctor. Not my first choice- well, that’s okay, I’m going to get my job done. “No, thank you. I really do not want any pain medication.” Then it was “Oh, Mom! You’re finally answering the phone! Would you mind coming down to the hospital? I am in need of some TLC. Hurry, please.”

The contractions were hard and heavy at 1:00 pm, the bags of waters were still intact, and I had to get in bed. The contractions went from my hips through my groin and to my knees. No strength to stand. The damned IV was killing me, too. I hated being hooked up. Now DR. G. came in… Here’s where my fun really begins. He said that he needed to break the amniotic sac, the bag of waters, and I said okay- after all, it would really get things going and I was starting to get tired. So here I was IV and external monitors on me. Geez, this was claustrophobic! Then he breaks the bag- at 6cm, 2:00pm. He takes this cord and I ask him what he’s doing- “Oh, attaching an internal monitor to the baby’s head, to make sure it’s doing okay” I asked “isn’t the external monitor okay?!” He said this was just in case. I didn’t like it! Not one bit, but I was hardly in the position to argue! Then he say’s after the next contraction, a really OMG moment, he can give me something to take the edge off the pain. No Thank you. But he didn’t listen. I was not screaming, or anything. I was breathing, like I knew how to do, I was focusing and I was getting through every pain. He just wanted to do it his way.

Well, I went from 6 to 10 cm dilation in less than two hours. Transition was an avalanche of pains that were kicking my butt. I could barely catch my breath. But I knew, knew, it was almost over. At 3:50 I began pushing. There was Dr. G. like Johnny bench, Mom on one side Husband on the other. One push. Two pushes. Three pushes. Here we go, one more. Out comes the scissors and snip, the last push the head was out! Wait, the doctor tells me, “boy this kid’s got broad shoulders! “ Yeah, that’s just what I needed to hear! Okay here is your baby, your boy! A son. My son. My boy. Baby E. I had a 3^rd degree episiotomy. I wanted to be alone with my baby and everyone was around. DrG was sewing me up and I felt every stitch. Every one! In walked Cousins and all. It was incredible. I loved them, but I just wanted some time before he went to the nursery. I wanted to nurse.

Just about 18 years ago, I had my first experience with birth.

Welcome!

Dear Friends,

Thank you for visiting my blog. I established this page so I can write birth stories. Real life women, men and babies. Families born anew with each birth, whether the first or the eighth. I attend women in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning, rain sleet and snow! What a life this is, and I love telling the stories.

The world is very changing, but birth- well babies are born the same way all over the world. In the United States, Israel, Britain, China, Africa, South America. Let's face it, in the beginning, we aren't so different. We come in naked and shocked. We come with nothing exept our wonder, and ability to grow, love and learn.

I still cry with joy at the birth of every baby. I have a whole life experience that lead me to this place of birthing. I'll tell you the story, pour yourself a cup of tea, grab a biscuit or two and relax. I begin with the birth of baby E.